Two weeks ago I wrote about how it was hard being at home. While I do appreciate that I am able to (mostly) stay at home, am not sick, don’t have to worry about paying the bills, etc, it is still hard.
In my last blog post, I wrote that I wasn’t able to share on a call with 22 people. I did manage to write the blog post and put it on the internet. I didn’t publicize it at all and it got 34 views.
So I’m now more comfortable, speaking about how I’m feeling on calls, right? Nope. I also wan’t able to say anything about how I was feeling on a call with 4 people on it. Ironically all of those people know how I am doing. I think there’s an aspect of being scared. If I lose control of my voice/emotions on a call, it is scarier than writing about it.
Last night, I was on a call with some programmers on FIRST Robotics Competition team 694. The call started by talking about what people have been doing and ideas for the team. It was a small call (maybe 8 people). The first few students who went, provided a balanced view of how being at home was.
I think that was a key distinction between that call and the first one at work. After a few people said positive things about working from home in this situation, I felt like something was wrong with me. On the robotics call, there was both positive and negative statements so it felt ok to not be doing well. And that’s why I’m blogging again. It’s ok. And I think it’s important to hear that others are having trouble soon. We are not alone.
I’ve been working form home full time for a week and a half. And almost done with my first weekend of being at home. It’s been a tough week. And something that made it worse was that most people seemed to be ok. Or at least far better than I was.
Then yesterday (Saturday), I saw this tweet! It really helped because it was the first thing I had seen that made me not feel like an overwhelmed crybaby. And I was able to “admit” on Twitter that I cried too.
Thank you for sharing this. (I didn’t make it 12 days without crying on a work video call. I chose to go on mute/hide my video until I was better). One of the things that made it harder is that everyone else seemed fine. So I felt extra frustrated/isolated.
On Friday, I made a comment that I didn’t say anything on a call because I didn’t want to “admit” I wasn’t fine on a call with 22 people. I’m realizing that is contributing to the problem. If anyone else on the call wasn’t fine, I contributed to the illusion that everyone is fine. Posting the tweet was scary. So is posting this blog entry. The internet has more than 22 people on it!
What’s been on my mind the past week
Having trouble concentrating/focusing
Frustrated that I was having trouble concentrating
Distractions (I normally get distracted at home. When I’m only telecommuting for a day that’s not a problem because I would just get more done the next day. That approach doesn’t work here)
My work setup is less than ideal. It’s better than when I ad-hoc telecommute as I’ve sacrificed living space to build a work area. Some of that came from getting rid of space I need when I have friends over and the like. All stuff I can eventually unroll.
Fear of leading a four hour meeting when I couldn’t even focus for short periods of time.
Fear of how I was going to be ok without seeing my friends for a long time
Fear of how I was going to be ok with being home almost all the time
Fear that we are going to lose the ability to go get takeout and/or go for a walk (like parts of Italy)
Worry for my immediate family (out of state so limited ability to help)
Plus the normal fear of the future/disease that everyone has, friends and family, etc
Triggers
Part of the problem was that I had pretty much no emotional resiliency. So things that normally wouldn’t have set me off turned me into a puddle. And just thinking about the things I was afraid of did the same.
It also meant I didn’t have the ability to mentally process. Normally, I’d be able to think about something rationally and determine if it was a problem and/or how big before panicking. Last week was not that week. Instead, turned into a puddle.
I cried 7.5 times during work hours in the 8 days I’ve worked at home so far. The half a time was the one I was able to hold in. (I didn’t count the # of times outside of work hours.) I think that metric will be lower next week
Why I feel better now that I did last week
I ran a one hour Toastmasters meeting on Thursday. I was one of the more comfortable with remote meetings of the people on the call so I was both teaching and being a good role model. I also felt like I was in “leader mode” so fine. Kind of like how I am our floor fire warden and know I can stay calm in actual emergency.
The four hour sprint planning meeting went fine. Two of my teammates brought their cats to the meeting which definitely helped!
On the weekend, I have had three video chats, a long call with my best friend and some emails/texts with other friends. I also got two offers two video chat whenever I need. So I don’t feel freaked out about being alone anymore. (Not the same as actual human contact, but seems like enough to keep me grounded)
Two of the three video chats involved my friends kids and pets. Also helped with virtual human contact.
NYC doesn’t appear to be moving towards banning the ability to go for a walk. I’ve always needed to walk for stress relief. The times I’ve hurt my leg/ankle have been really stressful without that release!
Friday was in the 70s after work. Walking was more enjoyable. And I was able to sit on my balcony and read for an hour. I like sitting outside. And since it is private space, it is allowed. (Conveniently my building has separate balconies that are more than 6 feet apart)
A friend sent me flowers to make me smile. I put them on the balcony where they should last longer and preserve that message.
I read about putting up a post-it happy face to give the neighbors something to smile about. Mine makes a cool shadow in the afternoon which makes me smile!
The coming week
There’s still plenty of things I’m worried about. I’m sure that’s true for everyone. But I think it is now below the level where it is impeding my ability to think. My hope is for a mildly frustrating week. That would be a huge upgrade from last week!
We’ve been seeing a lot of posts from people who are experienced and enjoy working from home. I am not one of them. I’ve been working from home for three days so posting how it is going so far. (I think three days is long enough that there probably won’t major changes to my setup for the duration).
Background
I live in New York City in a studio apartment. I don’t have any rooms with a door (except the bathroom) and I also don’t have a lot of space.
Why I don’t like from working from home
These are the problems I needed to mitigate with my setup for telecommuting from home until further notice:
I often do things in Manhattan during lunch and after work. [that’s no longer a problem. Everything is cancelled]
It gets me out of the apartment/not feeling cooped up. [I’ve been making sure to take a walk both during lunch and after work. I’ve also gone outside to stand on the terrace a few times a day. I’m lucky in that I have a small terrace. Maybe 18 square feet of space all to myself]
Seeing other people. [As long as we are allowed to leave the building and go outside, I at least see people in passing]
I have one nice place to work and it is occupied by my personal stuff. It’s a good amount of work to switch and I’m unwilling to do this daily. (Both physical objects and Mac vs Windows cords/keyboard/etc).
On the rare occasions I telecommute, I either spend the time moving all my personal stuff or work on the kitchen table. The later is physically uncomfortable. The former is a cost of almost an hour a day (moving stuff back and forth).
My Mac/personal setup
This is the setup for my personal Mac. I use it for email, browsing, CodeRanch, working on my book, etc.
Highlights:
Second monitor
Computer desk with keyboard tray.
Riser to get laptop screen at right height
Printer
Lamp (off for picture to avoid glare).
Room for my papers to the right of the computer.
A utility desk to the left with books and more papers that I use frequently.
A whiteboard with various notes
A magnet holding book deadlines. [all of these deadlines are no in the past. I really should re-print the next set of deadlines]
Motivational snoopy poster. (There’s another one off screen with Charlie Brown, Lucy, the footbal and “Never ever EVER give up”
This is a good setup. It is ergonomically comfortable and optimized for my productivity. It’s a little messy. But I organize myself spatially. The locations of things means something to me. Which increases the problem with moving all this stuff daily to make it my work desk.
My “temporary” work from home setup
Below is the best I could come up with for a work setup. It’s not great. Aside from being hacked together, the things that I normally store in this spot are now in the living room. Oh and I now see my work area every time I do anything which is bad for work/life balance.
Also, you might notice there’s no laptop. That’s because I moved anything that belongs to my office for the picture (the laptop and papers)
Highlights:
I bought this “computer desk” a couple weeks before COVID-19 showed up. My plan was to use it for browsing PDFs while watching tv. Or to put papers on that I wanted to look at while standing. And also, to get a feel for how I felt about a standing desk.
I quickly learned that the problem is working on just a laptop. I can’t find any positions where the laptop screen and keyboard are comfortable to both my wrists and back. (It was fine for just browsing PDFs though)
I also quickly learned that the table doesn’t stay perpendicular to the floor. That’s what the Kendoku book is for. It keeps the laptop level.
I “borrowed” a table that I used to use for other things to be a keyboard tray for the duration. Since the “computer desk” is adjustable, this let me get the right height offset.
The next problem with my adhoc setup was that the mouse didn’t fit on the “keyboard tray”. I bought a mouse “potato” to deal with that.
Mostly offscreen is a bench/storage thing that I normally use for other things. It’s too low to be a good table for papers so I put Murach computer books under my papers to make them higher. (Murach books are the thickest I have.)
Post it notes so I can make a quick note.
A phone (also off screen)
A coaster to put a water bottle on. (I tend to sip during phone calls)
There’s also a couple of other items you might not expect in a work setup:
A beanie baby duck. This is our “Jira” duck for when Jira (or the network) is slow. I was specifically requested to bring it home on our last day in the office.
A pink hat. This hat says “Scrum Master” on it. (I’m the team SM as 25% of my job. I don’t use that often, but do sometimes do differentiate when I’m speaking as SM vs team member)
A stuffed bunny. On day one of telecommuting, I was frustrated at the speed of screenshare and some other stuff. So I got a personal stuffed animal. I’ve pet it a few times since working remotely so it is staying on the desk!
And the bonus setup
Today I needed a dual monitor. (I’m ok without one most of the time. But there are a few meetings (sprint planning in particular) that would be really hard without. While I was grumbling to myself about the effort to move all my personal stuff/Mac peripherals, I wondered about the effort to just move the monitor. I found a box the right height. (I bought two laser printer cartridges when my last ran out because they were on sale and have been too lazy to open the box. So I moved it from under the pile of books that gravitated on top of it and put the monitor on top.
That actually worked! It’s a reasonable height to go with my laptop and I can see my teammates and the JIra board at the same time. Not keeping the monitor out all the time as it takes a third of my “desk”. And also because I’m a bit worried it might tip over.
Again: there’s no laptop in this picture and the monitor isn’t showing anything so I don’t accidentally get any work in the pic.
I then upgraded with a temporary piece of furniture. I’m going to need to open the toner box at some point. The external monitor is shared between my personal Mac and this setup so I carry it back and forth when needed.
The temporary piece of furniture is because I had to move the garbage can and recycle can to a less convenient spot. I also had to move a chair (so I can’t have anyone over.) Which isn’t a problem at this time anyway.
In conclusion
This is a totally hacked together solution. But it’s the best I could come up with. When I do video conference calls, I’ll use my personal setup and stick the work machine on top of my personal mac for the video conference so I have two screens. I don’t do a lot of typing during a video conference so that should be ok.
